Oh, the trashy web we weave.

Whether it’s Marvel’s wobbles or the stuttering (then shuttering) of the DCEU, it’s safe to say the superhero genre isn’t looking too great right now. That said, compared to where we were a few decades ago, this is nothing, trust me.

Although it had its moments, never let it be understated just how much of a wasteland the early 2000s were for superhero movies. While the likes of X-Men and Spider-Man were doing their thing and doing it quite well, lamentable efforts like Daredevil, Catwoman, and the Tim Story Fantastic Four films were swamping the genre and turning it into a laughingstock on a level not seen until…right now actually.

No matter how poor the MCU and DCEU have gotten of late, it’s always worth remembering just how low this genre has sunk in the past. It really was a torrid time, with the genre regularly plunging to depths that have rarely been reached since. Until Madame Web and Sony’s gang of Spider-misfits came crawling along, that is.

Forced to confront shocking revelations about her past, New York paramedic Cassandra Webb’s (Dakota Johnson) newly discovered clairvoyant abilities see her destiny crossing paths with that of three young women - Julia (Sydney Sweeney), Anya (Isabela Merced), and Mattie (Celeste O’Connor) - all destined for powerful futures. With the nefarious Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim) in hot pursuit, the four women must work together to save their futures by surviving the present.

Quite frankly, it’s anyone’s guess what the hell’s going on with Sony’s Spider-Man-free Spider-verse these days. At this point, the studio’s plans to plough ahead with their stuttering cinematic universe of Spider-Man fringe characters despite any evidence of a clear plan or common sense just feels negligent.

Sure, Sony saw some degree of success with the release of Venom, however, since then, things have gone downhill pretty damn fast. While this initial burst of success saw the studio in understandably bullish form, the damp squibs of Venom: Let There Be Carnage and Morbius swiftly took the wind out of their sails, putting the entire franchise in a very precarious position in the process.

Make no mistake, this is a franchise that has desperately sought to capitalise on the Spider-Man name, yet has never seemed bothered enough to put in the necessary effort to make it work. Barring the odd bright moment in the two Venom films and the unintentional hilarity of Morbius, this franchise looks, even in these early days, like a busted flush.

Say what you want about Marvel Studios, at least there’s some degree of purpose and quality control going on over there. Without such resolve and without that guiding hand, this Sony universe feels destined for failure. And just when you think things couldn’t get any worse, along comes Madame Web.

Let’s make this abundantly clear - Madame Web is absolutely atrocious. A throwback superhero flick in all the wrong ways, Madame Web is a stinker the likes of which we’ve not seen in decades, and while there’s something perversely attractive about this fact, that’s about where the film’s appeal ends.

Occasionally fun rubbish, but mostly just boring rubbish, there’s almost nothing about Madame Web to recommend itself, and while it’s hard to pin down one exact reason for this, the film’s studio must shoulder a fair portion of the blame. Sony certainly have form with sizeable cinematic turds in the past, however, there’s something so wretched about this particular one that the studio’s negligence simply cannot be ignored.

Whether it’s the shocking writing, questionable directing, poor acting, sloppy editing, boring plot, wonky CGI, underwhelming action, or bland characters, there are jaw-dropping problems across the board here, yet, while it’d be easy to point the blame at those directly involved in the film’s production, it feels far more pertinent to question Sony’s part in orchestrating this monstrosity.

They are the ones that took the easy/cheap option by hiring the writers behind such universally derided shockers as Dracula Untold, The Last Witch Hunter, Gods of Egypt, and (of course) Morbius to deliver some of the clunkiest dialogue, emptiest character work, and dullest plotting you’re ever likely to come across.

They are the ones that hired a first-time feature director with a largely (very decent) television background in S. J. Clarkson and evidently messed with her process so much that it’s hard to believe she had much, if any, real say in the shocking end product slopped in front of us.

They are the ones that not only made the bizarre decision to set Madame Web in 2003 without any rhyme or reason, but also made the film feel like it was released twenty years ago too by cheaping out with terrible CGI and lacklustre action, topped off with a one-dimensional (and oddly ADR-heavy) villain the likes of which you rarely see these days.

They are the ones that stuffed Madame Web with half-baked and half-arsed Spider-Man references that not only conspire to make everyone, and everything, feel overtly apologetic, but actively highlight just how abject the film is compared to every other proper Spider-Man movie going.

As the face of it all, it would be very easy to lay blame for this dumpster fire at the feet of the film’s stars, but while there are undoubtedly substandard performances throughout, it’s hard to put too much of this squarely on them. Without a doubt, the likes of Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, and Adam Scott are all great performers, and given the right material, all could easily turn in a very decent Madame Web movie, yet they are constantly undermined by the awful hand they’ve been dealt.

In truth, Madame Web was doomed to fail from the jump. Deep in there somewhere, there’s undoubtedly potential in a Spider-Man cinematic universe, and even some potential in a film based on this particular Spider-Man character, however, the way Sony have approach it all feels as cack handed and as unappetisingly outdated as the films they keep shovelling our way.

While they all play some part in Madame Web’s demise, the stars, director, editors, writers, and everyone in between were all dealt such a hospital pass of a movie by Sony that they were never likely to produce anything of any real significance with it.

Although all eyes have been on Marvel Studios of late, with many using the perceived decline in the MCU’s quality as a stick to beat the superhero genre with, Sony’s serially pathetic attempts to do something with the comic book characters at their disposal is arguably far more damaging to the genre. Their failures are just as much, if not more, to blame for this much hyped “superhero fatigue” than anything any other studio have done, and it really is no wonder that Kevin Feige et al have done their best to distance themselves from Sony’s nonsense.

With the critical and financial success of the animated Spider-Verse movies under their belt, Sony still have a lot of goodwill left in the bank, however, if Madame Web is any indication of what’s to come (and in Venom 3 and Kraven the Hunter, there’s at least two more of these things to come), that goodwill reservoir is rapidly running dry.

A throwback superhero flick in all the wrong ways, Madame Web is not only the worst entry in Sony’s faltering Spider-Man(less) universe, its flat out one of the worst superhero movies ever made. Shocking writing, poor acting, boring plot, wonky CGI, underwhelming action, and one of the most uninspiring villains you’re ever likely to meet are all beautifully woven together in an intricate web of woefulness to make Madame Web an utterly insufferable viewing experience.